Perfectionism

                                                 photo credit

"People throw away what they could have by insisting on perfection, which they cannot have"

Edith Schaeffer

"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."

Anne Quindlen

Hello, my name is Lady J and I am a recovering perfectionist.

I don't mean the commendable just trying to do 'an excellent job'. I mean the perfectionism that says 'you're a failure' or 'you messed up - you may as well give up'. The need to do things so correctly that often one cannot even begin to do anything at all. Or the one dieters are so familiar with 'I ate X - I may as well just quit...or at least just eat anything and everything I want today and start all over again tomorrow'. 

Whether dieting brings out those perfectionist tendencies, or perfectionists are just more likely to diet,  the trait is common among dieters. My first foray into the world of diets began when I was a normal weight teenager. Unfortunately, what we called 'dieting' was just basically starvation. I still remember my best friend proudly telling me that all she had to eat all day was 'a piece of bacon and half a can of Pepsi'

We labeled foods as  'good' and 'bad'. We labeled ourselves as 'good' or 'bad' depending on how we ate. We measured our worth not in achievements, perseverance, or treatment of others, but in numbers: the number of calories we ate, the number on the scale, the number on the little tag in our clothes. We learned to feel shame and guilt for engaging in a basic necessity of life. We berated ourselves for being weak-willed if we succumbed to hunger. 

And we discovered starvation's companion - binging. We could only go so long not eating before our body rebelled and we would have to eat. Which meant, of course, that we had 'blown it' so we 'may as well make the most of it' and then start all over again the next day - or more likely - the next week when this time we would do it 'perfectly'.

Starting Monday  meant we had the weekend to eat all the 'bad' foods that we would virtuously deny ourselves for the foreseeable future. For most of us, myself included, all we succeeded in doing was gaining weight and establishing a very unhealthy relationship with food. And for many, it meant putting their lives 'on hold' while they pursued perfection. 

Even though it's been years since I stopped dieting there are ghosts of diets that still haunt me. (I know NoS calls itself a diet, but I don't see it that way at all. But that's a whole post in itself). I'm learning how to work with my body and counter the effects of diets past. I'm building on a base of No S; gradually molding it to fit my life. I've tried and abandoned some bits, while I've added others. It's a slow and imperfect process, but I'm learning that it's about progress - not perfection. And slow and imperfect is better than not at all.

Has perfectionism played a part in your relationship with food or even your life in general? How are you finding a balance between striving for excellence and perfectionism?